I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
