He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
