I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
