can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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