We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I looked at my own cervix.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
