i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
