I accidentally burped into my bong.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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