I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize