Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
