There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
