my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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