you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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