So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
did i walk over a car last night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
