oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize