My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
