Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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