He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
