Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
