I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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