In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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