After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
