you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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