i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
