i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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