In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
