I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
