Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
