No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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