Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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