I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
