hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
