yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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