masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
