Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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