dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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