Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
