did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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