i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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