Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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