I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just cropdusted the office
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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