How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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