i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
