Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
