Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
