hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
