I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
