What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
