I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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