READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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