We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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