I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Actions speak louder than pants.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
