some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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