I feel great
I just peed on a car
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
