I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
