my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
