lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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