How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
