Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom

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  (818): wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom http://tfl.nu/7ros
  Replies (6) Good night (648) Bad night (2994)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

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  (425): my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired. http://tfl.nu/08pz
  Replies (4) Good night (995) Bad night (2131)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.

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  (336): I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort. http://tfl.nu/myrl
  Replies (11) Good night (758) Bad night (2732)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?

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  (443): I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute? http://tfl.nu/jztq
  Replies (5) Good night (951) Bad night (3454)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  What are you wearing to our high school reunion?

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"

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  (404): What are you wearing to our high school reunion? (678): I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?" http://tfl.nu/i3zg
  Replies (27) Good night (4566) Bad night (651)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

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  (339): just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth. http://tfl.nu/ap45
  Replies (38) Good night (8698) Bad night (1400)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  we turned his baptism video into a drinking game

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  (425): we turned his baptism video into a drinking game http://tfl.nu/gtee
  Replies (18) Good night (4573) Bad night (1401)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.

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  (973): Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings. http://tfl.nu/ds3w
  Replies (7) Good night (3273) Bad night (1163)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party

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  (860): hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party http://tfl.nu/8e30
  Replies (2) Good night (2209) Bad night (886)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults

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  (810): You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults http://tfl.nu/ltaq
  Replies (3) Good night (1359) Bad night (649)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud

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  (256): I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud http://tfl.nu/dlrj
  Replies (12) Good night (1803) Bad night (700)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will

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  (313): Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will http://tfl.nu/g3an
  Replies (6) Good night (834) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.

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  (801): At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good. http://tfl.nu/03g0
  Replies (1) Good night (588) Bad night (674)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.

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  (620): What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself. http://tfl.nu/i9qu
  Replies (0) Good night (695) Bad night (351)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.

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  (469): He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am. http://tfl.nu/tu7g
  Replies (1) Good night (908) Bad night (339)

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