i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
