So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?