That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking