Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
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You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.