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The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
did i walk over a car last night?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
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