Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.