we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
