u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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