hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
