hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
