I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
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If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My legs feel like baby dolphins
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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