we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need a burrito and a hug.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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