The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
