He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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