I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
