the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
