i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
