I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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