dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
