so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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