Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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