Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
