After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
