I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
