Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
