They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
