I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
