If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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