Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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