haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
