I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
