I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
