My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
