Heybabeimwearingurpanties
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
