You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
