just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
