he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
