you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
